Wednesday, July 20, 2016

Post Baby Bod...



So, let's just get real for a minute here, how many times do you see magazine covers with the 'post baby body' titles on it? ALL of the time. As a society we are very much caught up in aesthetics and vanity. Sure we like to hear that this celebrity or that is enjoying parenthood but what we really want to see is how these super human creatures handle this alteration to their lives and bodies. As if that's not enough, now we are looking at this as a possibility, a standard. If we step back and look at how different the average person's reality is compared to a celebrity...this is just silly thinking. 



The reality is, pregnancy is meant to change your body! Our bodies are capable of amazing things, to be able to create, grow, and house a tiny human for 40 weeks (or more) is a sensational thing. The ability to birth this baby and then our bodies create the perfect source of nutrition for this baby as well, all while hormones and reproductive organs start down regulating, and going back to normal...it's incredible if we think about it. It seems like pregnant women can't wait to see that baby bump appear early in pregnancy it's so exciting to let the world know you're carrying a new life! Then just as soon as the baby is delivered, all too often women are upset with what they look like or see in the mirror after delivery. To think that a woman would ever feel any kind of shame about what their body looks like after baby is heart breaking. 

Here is a picture at the pool a few days before Tri was born
Have I looked in the mirror before and not been thrilled with the reflection that I see...sure, but why? Because I'm guilty of this as much as anyone else. It's past time to speak out and talk about the realities of post baby bodies. This pregnancy was very different for me for a lot of reasons, but one of the most surprising differences was how I felt about myself. I worked hard throughout my 40 weeks to eat healthy, and stay active. Was I perfect 100% of the time? Absolutely not, I'm human, I had Ben & Jerry's and skipped workouts...but that's because I'm real! I would say though, that I did the best that I could and I felt good about how I took care of myself and my baby throughout the pregnancy. I documented most of those 40 weeks as far as being accountable for activity, and sticking with the goals I had set for myself. After I had baby Tri, I was so caught up in love with him, and taking care of myself to heal, the last thing on my mind was getting in my next workout. Don't get me wrong, I want to get back to being as fit as I can for my health, to keep up with my kids, and numerous other reasons...but it certainly wasn't the first thing on my mind. Getting my 'body back' somehow just doesn't seem as pressing as I thought it might be. This was a very positive and healthy feeling, I think it means that I'm growing in self love and self acceptance...which might seem small, but this is something I've always struggled with.

Our last picture as a family of 4 at Keats 8th
grade graduation

The most important things that I've been working on these weeks are taking care of my children, spending enough time with each of them, keeping the house running with the help of my husband, and trying to get enough sleep. I'm making sure I'm getting good nutrition to keep my milk supply up for the baby, making healthy meals for the family, and getting into the swing of things as our dynamic has changed with our new little addition. Now I'm back to work to care for my patients, getting the hang of cloth diapering, making time for pumping, and just enjoying every moment with my youngest son because time seems so fleeting when you have a newborn. 

I'm soaking up every moment with this tiny boy

Pregnancy is different for each person, it looks different for each person as far as how they feel, the weight they gain, how the baby develops, how morning sickness affects them, etc. Some women gain a lot of weight while eating healthy throughout pregnancy, some women gain minimal weight while eating less healthy, no two pregnancies are the exact same. So, it would makes sense that not everyone looks the same afterwards, feels the same, recovers the same, or progresses the same! We need to stop comparing ourselves to other women, ESPECIALLY celebrities for goodness sake, and we need to spread a message of self love and acceptance. We should embrace these changes as our bodies took time to grow and nourish a sweet little baby, and just celebrate what a miracle that is in and of itself! No your skin will not look exactly the same, your clothes will fit you differently even after all of the baby weight is gone, and if you plan to breastfeed, it will change the way those girls look forever! At the end of the day I hope you can look at your body and look at the changes and welcome them the way I have this time...because it is proof of motherhood. It is proof that you gave life to another. It is proof that every day from now until forever you will put the needs of your baby in front of everything else, because that is what unconditional love feels like. The most incredible thing is, only women can feel and experience these things, and it is my belief that we should be proud of these changes.

I took this the day after Tri was born 
After Keats & Reese I never would've shared
these pics, but I'm not ashamed of how I
look after having Tri, I'm proud of my body
and what I went through to bring him into
the world :D

I needed more time to heal after this labor & delivery than with my other two, be it my age, or the way the baby was positioned, I'm unsure, but I knew I needed more time. Sarah, my midwife said to give myself 6 weeks which sounded like a lot, but since I didn't even really feel human until the end of week 2...I was surprised at how fast the time went. I started out thinking I'd go for the gusto and jump right back into my workouts like I had left off...but that was not very realistic. After the first two workouts I realized that I need to ease back into it if I want to continue to heal and not have any set backs. Sarah also evaluated me for diastasis recti and we discussed the importance of listening to my body so I continue to heal and recover as I begin exercising. I'm not giving up on exercising, that's not my point, but this time I'm very aware that it took 9 months for my body to change and make room for baby Tri, and it's not going to be back to 'normal' over night. 

This was taken at 6 weeks pp to document the
start of my fitness journey

It's amazing to me how much my body had already
changed at this point without exercise

I plan to keep pushing myself to exercise, eat healthy, and take care of my little family, but the important thing to me is finding a balance. I plan to document my progress and these changes as well so that hopefully any moms out there reading this will also give themselves a break, and love themselves at every point in their journey. It's not a contest, there's no race, there's no photo shoot or deadline to be at your pre-baby weight. It's about taking time to care for yourself, your family, and just taking things one day at a time. 

His onesie says it all, what a flirt!



Wednesday, July 6, 2016

Big Girls Don't Cry...



Well, today is Tri's first day of daycare and I'm a mess. I knew this day would come, it was difficult to go back to work last week, but I knew I'd get to see my sweet boy when I came home at lunch time. Randy had two weeks of paternity leave that he didn't take until Tri's 4th and 5th week, so it made my transition back to work a LITTLE easier. This morning I got up with Tri as usual for his early morning feeding, he slept from 11 p.m. until 6 a.m. this morning (who's the best boy!) and I LOVE my time nursing him. It's our special little bonding time and he's becoming more alert so we'll just stare at each other while he's nursing and I talk to him. Randy said he'd take Tri this morning to daycare, and although I knew it would make pumping & getting ready for work a little easier, I was sad to let him go! I packed up his diaper bag last night so that I would have everything ready for this morning. I packed his bottles & milk this morning, along with a long instructional note that I'm sure our daycare provider didn't need, and I cried when I kissed him goodbye in his car seat! 



I knew today would be hard, I remembered from when my other kids were babies and they started daycare...but it never gets easier. Between these surging hormones & my self induced anxiety over the situation, I was ready to quit my job this morning on my drive to work! I kept thinking, why am I doing this to myself, shouldn't I be the one to get to take care of my baby? We only have a few short years with them before they head to school anyway! I realize that I need to be able to pay my mortgage and bills but I just feel like I'm missing out on a lot while I'm at work. Don't get me wrong I enjoy my work, and I'm sure most of these feelings are completely normal, but it truly makes me jealous of moms that get to stay home with their kids. What a gift. 



Well, as I took a break this morning to pump (yes pumping is my life now, more on this in my next post!) I texted our daycare lady and told her I hoped Tri was being good for her, and that I was having a much harder time today than he was. She said he had his bottle around 9:45 a.m. she changed him, and now he's just lounging in the swing enjoying his day. I was almost upset that he's not sad and crying and missing me...but then I felt better knowing that he's doing just fine while I'm at work. 


Motherhood is the most wonderful thing in the world. It changes you. It challenges you, rewards you, teaches you how to become completely selfless, and in those moments that you are hinging on insanity...you are delighted with something so worthy of unconditional love. Sometimes it's just a look, or a smile, and other times it's those achievements that make you absolutely beam with pride that you're doing an alright job! I know this is a 'one day at a time' part of the journey, not just for Tri, but for myself. I have always prided myself on taking in every moment, enjoying each day that passes by too quickly with my kids. This time around I need to really make it a point to be patient with myself as well. 


Friday, July 1, 2016

Someday My Prince Will Come...

After all of the prodromal labor, frustrated impatience, and waiting...our baby finally made his arrival on May 28, 2016, which made me 40 weeks & 4 days pregnant...the most pregnant I've ever been! I worked up until 2 days before he was born because I was so anxious and ready to meet him, I had to keep my mind busy. On Wednesday night I had a horrible headache, I went to bed but had trouble sleeping through the throbbing, and when I woke up on Thursday morning for work, it hadn't gotten any better. I was tired and felt miserable so I called my boss (who is also my father) and I told him I didn't think I'd be in to work that day, and he suggested I just stop working until the baby got here. I didn't want to do that though because I was afraid I'd be like 2 weeks overdue and just sitting at home continually cleaning driving myself crazy about when this was going to finally happen!

Anyway, I didn't go to work Thursday, and that night my mom and sister invited me for some 'girl time' and a chick flick to take my mind off of things. Now, if you've never been pregnant, or had a pregnant wife, or READ about being pregnant there are gross words like mucous plug, and bloody show...which both mean that the end is near. I won't go into detail, but let's just say that evening there were clear 'signs' that meant the big day was nearing. I went home after the movie, and I didn't say anything to my husband because I was excited and hopeful I could just wake him up in the middle of the night to say it was GO TIME! I woke up Friday morning and was still VERY pregnant...and no contractions or anything happening to make me think I was getting closer. I didn't go to work on Friday either, it is a short day at our clinic, and I just didn't feel up for it. I took the kids over to my mom's house to swim and enjoy the gorgeous weather, and my husband came over after work. We stayed until dinner time with the rest of the family showing up after work too,  and we all had pizza together, and my husband set up our GoPro to catch some of the action. I joked with him not to use up the battery because we planned on video taping the baby's birth, then editing it so it was family appropriate. I swam and tread water as much as I could that evening because I had read that it would help labor along. We all went home with full hearts and bellies heading into the weekend after a nice time with family on Friday night. 

I woke up at 4:15 a.m. with contractions, and when I got up for my billionth trip to the bathroom I realized these were much stronger and felt 'different' than all of the prodromal labor I'd been having in the weeks leading up to this point! I didn't want to get overly excited after nearing a month of prodromal labor with no baby to hold, so I laid back down to rest like my midwife had told me. She said to rest as much as you can, when the labor gets to the point that I need to get ready or call someone, it will wake me up. So, I sent her a quick text to give her an update, and laid back down. By 6:15 a.m. the contractions were getting stronger, and when I got up for another bathroom break, I had to brace myself against the sink and thought "oh shit, maybe I should've clued Randy in, I'm going to have our baby on the floor in here!" Spoiler alert...I did NOT, so don't worry :D I woke Randy up though, and I said, "It's time, and I'm not sure how much time we have before this baby is here!" Randy had been sound asleep with no idea anything was even going on in the middle of the night, but he woke up, got the kids up, called my mom and said, "you're going to have a new grandchild today!" She was in charge of taking my older kids and dog to her house while we had the baby since we were having a home birth. My mom was there in about 7 minutes, I was in between contractions, and I think that was the one time my daughter has left the house without hugging me because she was half asleep and scared because she could tell I was having painful contractions. Randy started filling up the birthing pool that had been sitting in our living room for 2 weeks, and then called the midwife. I took a quick shower to be clean for the baby's arrival, and then I got into the birthing tub to let the hot water soothe my lower back and abdomen through my contractions.

***WARNING...I am going to be real and give you a play by play, so if you don't want to know what goes on in labor & delivery...maybe jump ahead to the end :D  *****

Sarah, our midwife, got to the house about 25 minutes later, I was having some pretty hard contractions at this point. Randy was back and forth with a hot rice sock, kneading my shoulder muscles, and wiping the sweat off of my forehead. Sarah showed him how to apply a downward pressure to my sacrum to create a counter pressure to my contractions and help me through them. I labored in the birth pool for another 45 minutes to an hour before Sarah's nurse came to the house. After about two hours in the pool I was ready to start pushing, Sarah suggested I try to get up and void because it had been almost 3 hours since my last bathroom break. I really didn't feel like getting up and walking to the bathroom, but I completely trusted her suggestions. I got out of the pool, and with all three of them by my side I was walking to the bathroom and completely stopped in my tracks with a hard contraction, but it was a little easier to get through standing up, which was a relief! I got to the bathroom and I think between how much I was sweating, and I'd been laboring for almost 3 hours with just sips of water...I didn't have much to void. I stood in the bathroom for about a half an hour getting through contractions and pushing through them. Nothing much was happening by the time I left the bathroom and Sarah really wanted me to try and eat something with some fast sugars. The last thing I felt like doing was eating. I was getting tired, so she suggested I lay in my bed for a few contractions, so I did, she checked me in between them and said the baby was very low in my pelvis. They have a rating system and if I remember correctly a -4 means the baby is crowning, and I was at a -2, so I felt good about that. It was too uncomfortable to lay down through the contractions so I got up and stood next to my bed with my hands on my mattress to brace myself through a few more while I was standing and pushing. Sarah suggested that I use the 'squat stool' that she brought along with her, she said it is uncomfortable because it increases pressure, but it gets the baby to progress downward. So I sat on the stool, which is just like you'd imagine, a seat close to the ground with a hole cut out of the middle to make room for your baby if you start to crown. 

I sat on the stool contracting and pushing for about 20 minutes before Sarah decided that I needed to get up and walk around to try and get the baby to move down further. She kept checking the baby's heart rate with her Doppler and said "the baby is very happy in there" and I was relieved that all was well with the baby, but ready for this labor to get over with! She really wanted me to eat something so I walked back out to the living room and tried to eat a few pieces of watermelon between contractions. I was getting so tired, I was losing my resolve and I was exhausted. I told Randy I didn't know if I could do this anymore. He put his hand on my shoulder and said, " you're doing amazing Jenn, you can do this" and he kissed my head, I said, "I don't know I feel like the baby should be here by now, Keaton & Reese would've been born by this point judging by the pain and way I feel!" He just stayed calm and reassured me. Sarah asked me what I thought about walking up and down our stairs to get the baby to move. I told Randy I just wanted to lay down for a little bit, so he walked me to our room and helped me lay down after a few contractions standing next to our bed, and then he went and told Sarah I needed a break and wanted to lay down. I tried to relax and rest in between contractions, and then breath through the discomfort when they'd come on, just trying to give into the pain. After about 20 minutes (if felt like a lifetime) Sarah came in and suggested that I get in the shower and let the hot water run over my lower back. She said I really needed to eat something or get some sugar in me to get some energy and strength back. She said while I was in the shower, I should do some nipple stimulation to help build the contractions, and then when one comes on, to lean up against the shower wall, pull upward on my belly, and tuck my pelvis under to try and get the baby to move down. I stood in the shower for a long time, I let the hot water soothe my contractions, and I only did the nipple stimulation and pelvis tucks here and there, because they intensified everything and I just wanted a break. Randy brought me in some Bai fruit drink,  I sucked that down and about 20 ounces of water, and then just stood and let the water relax me until we ran out of hot water. 

By the time the hot water ran out, the sugar from the Bai drink, and the water had hydrated me and given me energy. The little 'break' from hard labor & pushing was enough to make me feel like I could move forward. I thought to myself, 'it's going to get harder before it's over, but I can do this. I just need to get through this really hard part and then I can finally meet our baby, the only way out of this is making it absolutely unbearable for as long as I can take it.' 

So, I got out of the shower, and Sarah asked me again what I thought about taking the stairs...I said, " Honestly that's the last thing I want to do right now, so I'll do it", she laughed. She told me to get to the bottom of the stairs (our home is a split level so it's only about 7 stairs) and then come back up them in a lunge with one leg up 2 stairs and then do a figure 8 with my pelvis. I told Sarah, "yeah this is a regular Saturday at our house, I usually stand half naked doing lunges on our stairs" :D The fact that I started to get my sense of humor back let Randy know that I was going to make it through this. I started down the stairs, on the way up I was doing my lunges and as I made my way to the top of the  stairs, I felt a contraction starting up. I quickly came up the last two stairs, stood with my back against the wall, lifted up on my belly and tucked my pelvis under and pushed through the intensity of the contraction. This went on for about 5 or 6 times up the stairs, and then Sarah brought out the squat stool again, she said to continue with the lunges but then position myself on the squat stool, and let my legs hang relaxed along the sides to really engage my core and push. This sounded like an impossible fete, but I KNEW I had to do it. I only took the stairs about 2 or 3 more times before the contractions were so close together again that I couldn't make it up or down the stairs in between them. I sat at the top of my stairs, thinking this pain couldn't go on forever, so I was going to push and grit my teeth through it until I had my baby! 

I rested in between contractions and Sarah checked me, checked baby, we are all doing well, she said to now sit up against the wall while on the squat stool, and continue pulling up on my belly and tuck my pelvis under, just like before, but now on the stool. I did this for another 20 minutes or so. Sarah checked me and said that the baby was moving down. She said she thought we should move to our bedroom so I could lay down through a few contractions and pushes, but I told her I didn't want to lose the ground we'd gained, she assured me we wouldn't. She said, "Now this is going to be hard, you're literally walking with a baby's head in between your legs, so take your time down the hallway." With Sarah, her nurse Libby, and Randy at my sides I got to our room and climbed into bed. I was laying at about a 45 degree angle toward my left side, and Sarah said, "Libby is going to have you hold this scarf, and she's going to hold the other end, and I want you to play a sort of tug-of-war while you push through the next few contractions." I was going to do whatever Sarah said, I trusted her judgement, she was calm and confident in what she was doing, and I needed to just follow her instructions at this point. I told Libby "good luck" before we started pulling, she said at one point, "you're the strongest pregnant women I've ever done this with" that made me laugh. With Randy laying beside me through the next few contractions I felt like my face was going to explode because I was pushing so hard, not breathing, and giving every ounce of effort I could to get this baby out. I finally felt so much pressure I KNEW the baby was finally moving down. Sarah just kept saying " just like that, that was a really good push, you're doing great, another one just like that" so I tried to focus, I'd pull my end of the scarf, bear down, there was hardly time to breathe in between contractions now. Finally Sarah said, "I don't think your baby is going to have much hair." Randy asked, "is that the baby's head?" And she confirmed that it was, so I KNEW I was at the end, that sent a whole new wave of energy through me and I was bound and determined to meet this baby NOW!

I pushed 2 or 3 more times, and at 12:50 p.m. the baby was here! Sarah said, "No wonder you were so stubborn to come out, you were facing the wrong direction!" They laid the baby on my chest, and I immediately felt such a huge relief of pressure, pain, and a wave of emotions, LOVE, joy, excitement, tears. I remember hearing Randy say, "Oh my god, I can't believe all of that was inside of you!" And Sarah said, "Wow, you're just filled out all over aren't you?" And all I could see was this beautiful little face with little eyes blinking up at me and I asked is it a boy or girl? Randy said, "I don't know we didn't look, but that is a BIG baby!" I said, "it doesn't matter if it's a boy or girl, this baby is perfect!" He let out a little cry and I just laid there in awe. I finally had our BOY in my arms!

Tri Nicholas' first picture

Sarah went about wiping him down while he laid on me skin to skin to warm him, and then laid a blanket over us. She told me to give one last push to deliver the placenta, which seemed effortless and anything was possible now with this perfect baby in my arms! Then she did the uterine 'massage' which feels NOTHING like a massage and more like someone doing handstands on your uterus, it's wildly uncomfortable. Sarah does delayed cord clamping, which means she waits until the cord is done pulsating, and the majority of the blood from the placenta is in the baby before she cuts the cord. This ensures all of that oxygen rich blood is pumped back to baby, it is estimated that 1/3 of baby's total blood volume is in the placenta, which is significant and research shows this practice has many benefits both immediate and long term. Afterwards she clamped the area and Randy cut his umbilical cord. Sarah did the uterine massage again and then said she was going to do a few things and then she'd take care of stitching me up. When the time came I had Randy hold our sweet baby so I could relax as much as possible through the next round of pain. I think at one point Randy said he was having a spasm in his lower back and it was really painful...I told him I felt like I was at a party :/ 

Randy holding our sweet baby boy

This was the most painful and strenuous labor of my three, but it was also the most incredible experience. Sarah was honed in on only MY labor, she was so incredibly supportive, she made suggestions but I never felt like I didn't have a say in the direction or progression of my actions during the labor. It felt like having a sister there with me, who was encouraging, and calm, completely knowledgeable and as happy and excited for me, but also empathetic towards my frustration and  pain during the whole thing. She was so strong and never wavered though when I was losing my resolve, she said afterward, "I knew you could do it." 


My sweet boy

My take on the benefits of the home birth, it was bar none more comfortable to be in my own home. When all was said and done, I laid in my own bed, in my own room, with no beeping machines, random interns or people walking in, no shift change of nurses halfway through, no germs from sick people down the hall. If I wanted to get up and stand, walk, rest, shower, I could do any and all of those things. Sarah said that since I wasn't a first time mom, this birth at the hospital would've resulted in a c-section because of the duration of the time I spent pushing. However, I had the birth experience I wanted, although if I had a choice I wish he wasn't facing posterior because that would've made everything much easier! Sarah said if he hadn't been facing posterior, the labor would've gone so quickly she might not have gotten there in time and Randy would've been the one to deliver him. The entire experience was empowering.

'Normal' position is anterior presentation head down
Tri was posterior head down 





At the end of the day we had our incredibly sweet and perfect 9 lb 9 0z, 22.5 inch long baby boy at home. He was worth EVERY pain, push, and all of the time it's taken to heal from his delivery. He is healthy, he is thriving, and he is an incredible sleeper! I would highly recommend home birth every time for a women who is thinking about it, or a candidate for it, and if you live in the area, the only person you want as your nurse midwife is Sarah Bradbury! Here is the link to her website:  Serenity Home Birth

Our 1 day old prince charming :D

In the end we only captured the first two hours of our labor & delivery on our GoPro because the battery DIED like I had joked the day before. I will probably post a few clips when I get it uploaded on my computer.